I am in L word

taking charge

For years and years and years (and YEARS) I've struggled with anxiety. Like. Out of the blue. For no reason. Unrelenting, consuming and exhausting bouts of anxiety.


The past few months have been a struggle. I feel like I've just been drowning. I've been in denial about it actually. Like, Oh no it's just because I'm tired and stressed! I've been working too much! Pms! La la la.
But, no :-/
I need to get back on track.


Its time for me to start taking care of myself and get back on track.


*mantra: Everything is going to be okay

I'm 25 now

Here's a shit ton of pix to prove it

BIRTHDAY!!

Crynn!!

paparazzi shot

regular shot

sup, guys

sup, guy

pms blues

_Tell me everything is ok.
_Bring me kit kats.
_Tell me I look beautiful.
_Hug me all/most of the day.


I'm needy today. Sue me! I mean hug me :(

Long Beach

I went to Long Beach with boyfriend and got sloppy.

"My name's Samantha and i have sex with everybodyyyyy.... named Skot!"

bye!

"its just a tropical hawaiian thing!"

this thrift store had so many of my favorite thing: OWLS!

after much deliberation, i decided on this guy

#bangs

Recently

me, recently

i get thirsty a lot

Best Coast feelings!!

hrrr.

me and Choochie are in L word

sunburning on my lunch break

bloody mary breakfast!

thats all.

I got to see my favorite band last night

I wish he was my boyfrieeeeeeeeeend

Oh hi, Bob!

<3

I am lucky <3

I am lucky.
I have a lot of great people in my life right now.

And sadly, some not so great.
Not BAD But just, yknow... not great. I guess I'm just learning that not everyone has my best interest at heart. Which is ok, because there's nothing I can do to change that. <---That was a recent break through for me (Taurus)

*I can't change it or force them to feel differently. And that's OK!"
(normally feel the opposite)
(Taurus)


This has been a week of insight, diary!!!

I went home for a few days and feel soooo rejuvenated! Aka sun burnt, hung over, full... what else can you ask for!? Oh yeah, clean laundry. I have that, too :)

serious post!!!

y'know that episode of The Office where Pam decides she's gonna start to stick up for herself and saying how she feels about everything??

that's gotta be me now.
i am a mellow, passive, door-mat type of person and i am gettin tired of people blowin past me and disrespecting me, disregarding my feelings.
waa waa wa.


The time has come! the walrus said

L

"there are some things that you can't escape in your head yknow like melancholy and stuff. I used to be much more melancholy but
very recently things have changed to make me happier. But with the happiness comes the paranoia because you don't know when youre gonna lose those things that you've got. It's like a new melancholy"
-Yim Yames

I've had a lot of great things and people happen to me recently. That quote sums up the feelings that sometimes creep up on the happy ones.
A new melancholy.
I've had so many bad things happen to me in my life and relationships that it sometimes is hard to push that aside and focus on the wonderful things happening right in front of me. Right now. #Taurus
Focusing on breathing, letting go of worrisome thoughts, myself

Thanksgiving

I went on a date.

"Maybe you're just a hybrid of crazy Carrie and romantic Char..?"
-Blas, on my new Sex & the City persona

If you know my in real life, you know I don't ever really date or have ever really dated.
If you dont know me in real life, I'll tell you that I don't ever really date or have ever really dated.

I did once and for too long and it was just the worst.
I mean, he was.
****a dickhole.

but anyways, I've decided that I'll know it's love next time when someone karaoke's my song to me. Barry. Manilow.
THAT'S the moment, guys.
Right there.




-cheeeseball muthr fkr.

Wednesday

my breakfast looked like a boob

IRL